Why I Don't Sing Springsteen Songs At Karaoke Bars

A couple months ago, Steve spotlighted a Springsteen-cinema moment in The Promised Land.  In the scene, John Krasinski fulfills the fantasy of many Springsteen fans: he leads the entire bar in a rousing sing-along to "Dancing In The Dark".  It's a dream all karaoke-ers have had: that, for one shining moment, you will be a rock star in front of a bunch of pleasant drunks.  Sure, you are reading the lyrics off a screen flashing images of scenic mountains, and the microphone can only be heard by those within 15 feet of you, but you are now a hero, creating a memorable moment those patrons will be telling their grandchildren.  Now, like the rest of you, I have had my highs and my lows throughout my karaoke career, but there is one thing I have learned:

Do.  Not.  Sing.  Springsteen.

This statement should raise some eyebrows.  "But Rory, you are a huge Springsteen fan!  Why wouldn't you want to channel your inner E Street (or, perhaps more accurately, your B Street)?  Wouldn't you be able to scoff at the lyrics on the screen, and sing the songs with all your heart?"  Excellent questions, good sir.  Believe me, I've tried forays into Springsteen karaoke, and have never succeeded.  I've had years to dissect these shortcomings, and I've put together my top five reasons why I do not karaoke to Springsteen:

5. Subject Matter: Even the happiest sounding Springsteen songs are often riddled with dark imagery.  On "Thunder Road", there are ghosts in the eyes of all the boys you've sent away; on "Born To Run", you end up singing about death traps and suicide raps.  While Springsteen's choruses can often get people singing along, many songs will contain a couple unexpected lyrics that will have your audience staring somberly into their pint glass, questioning the decisions they've made that have led them to the point in their lives where they are listening to some dope sing Springsteen.

4. He's Not Universally Loved: You might think "I'm Going Down" or "Badlands" will bring the house down, but you will probably end up with blank looks from several bar patrons.  Believe it or not, not everyone loves Springsteen, and even those ambivalent to the Boss might not know songs outside of "Born In The U.S.A.".

3. Long Songs: My rule of thumb is to try to pick karaoke songs under three minutes.  That way, a poor performance is over quickly, and a good performance leaves your audience wanting more.  This is why my usual karaoke go-tos are "Blister In The Sun", "Laid", and "Why Don't You Get A Job".  Unless you can air-saxophone like a champion, "Jungleland" is definitely out of the picture.  The only Springsteen staple that would fit that mold is "I'm On Fire", which is quite the downer.

2. Convoluted Lyrics: I call this the "Baby Got Back" syndrome.  You may think you know all the words, but after the first 30 seconds, it can turn into a giant mess.  I think they only list "Blinded By The Light" in karaoke songbooks to weed out the masochists.

1. YOU ARE NOT BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN: This cannot be emphasized enough.  There's only one Bruce Springsteen: his name is Bruce Springsteen, he looks like Bruce Springsteen, and, most importantly, he is Bruce Springsteen.  Singing one of his songs will not magically give you his on-stage charisma.  You attempts at mugging to the crowd and drunken power slides will be met by looks of confusion.  It's like watching Michael Jordan dunk: you can see how he dunks, and you understand the physical mechanics behind it, but it is nearly impossible to replicate.

That being said, should you venture into the world Springsteen karaoke, I would recommend sticking with "Dancing In The Dark" or "Glory Days": these are fairly positive songs, that are well known by most people, are not too long, and have fairly simple lyrics.  (Another pro-tip: in "Glory Days", instead of singing "Think I’m going down to the well tonight", try singing "Think I’m going down to [insert bar name] tonight"; it worked for OB!)  You still won't be Bruce Springsteen, but I won't hold that against you.

Great Moments in Springsteen Cinema History: Promised Land

Okay, so this isn’t a great moment but it’s a pretty good one. In the movie Promised Land, Matt Damon plays a natural gas representative who goes up against an anti-fracking environmentalist played by John Krasinski. The movie came and went with very little fanfare at the end of 2012 but it’s worth a viewing for its engaging performances and unexpected subject matter that doesn’t become as politically didactic as you might think – even if the plotting is a bit formulaic.

But we’re really here to talk about the Springsteen moment of course. Now, despite the film’s title, the song featured is not “The Promised Land.” Nor does the film feature Springsteen’s original music. Instead, it features Krasinski singing an (intentionally) off-key rendition of “Dancing in the Dark” at an open mic. The scene is classic Springsteen in nature. It begins with Krasinski alienating the crowd with his firm anti-natural gas beliefs before winning them over by singing Springsteen. His fellow bar patrons quickly join in and start singing with him on stage – the unifying nature of Springsteen incarnate.

In an interview with The Guardian, Damon expressed his appreciation for Springsteen and even said he feels that Promised Land is (coincidentally) a film version of Wrecking Ball. And he’s not off-base, there are strong thematic similarities to several of the songs on the album, particularly “Easy Money,” “Jack of all Trades,” and “Wrecking Ball.”

Guardian Excerpt:

Is Damon, I ask him in Berlin, a fan of Springsteen? It turns out to be a lucky guess, made only because his new film is called Promised Land – the name of a track from the 1978 album Darkness on the Edge of Town – and by the fact there is a memorable scene in the movie where Damon's co-star John Krasinski sings a karaoke version of the song "Dancing in the Dark".

"Uh-huh, huge," says Damon. "Springsteen's a god in my eyes." There then follows a few minutes where Damon picks his way excitedly through Springsteen's recent oeuvre: The Rising ("a masterpiece"), Magic ("such an intelligent takedown of the Bush administration"), and culminating with last year's Wrecking Ball, which reached number one in both the UK and the US. It is an intensely political record that shines a harsh light on the American dream, with music inspired by the Civil War and the Dust Bowl. "It doesn't feel like an act," Damon muses. "It doesn't feel like he's trying to pretend that he still has the common touch. I think he believes what he believes, and that's very real."

He continues: "I do view this movie, Promised Land, as the visual expression of his last album. It's actually eerily similar. I hadn't heard the album before we wrote the script, but John Krasinski and I went to hear him in Madison Square Garden at the first show that he did of Wrecking Ball and he played the album and I went: 'Fuck! That's the movie!' I went back to see him afterwards and he asked: 'What are you working on?' And I said: 'It's like the movie version of your new album.' And he goes: 'What the fuck does that mean?' And I said: 'I don't know, man! But you've got to see this thing when it comes out. I'm telling you, it's the movie version of your album.'"

Sadly, I couldn't find a clip of the open mic scene from Promised Land online so instead I'll include this video of John Krasinski and Jason Segal singing "I Get by with a Little Help from My Friends" at a karaoke bar in Michigan.